February 2012
10 posts
Growd Up
I guess I really never thought about what being an adult was going to be like until now, when I actually “am” one. I guess I just figured it wouldn’t be me sitting alone on my living room floor in front of a space heater listening to bossa nova and watching my cat sleepily squeeze his eyes. But I guess this is what it’s like, obviously.
Sleeping Alone
It’s hardest at night. It’s hardest when I am with only myself, alone. Laying in bed with no one to hold, no warmth , no whisper of sweet dreamscapes to bring luck to my dreams. No sweet face to admire when I wake first. No sweet nothings as I fade into the tiny oblivion of sleep, only nothings.
two of hearts
The papers are signed. My heart is in two. I thought he’d say more, or anything for that matter.
…
“everything in the future seems horrifying”
“if you kept thinking that than nothing will seem better. this is why we can’t talk about this.”
…
I’m broken.
Valentimes →
though things are not perfect I am grateful to have had my life enriched by such a good friend.
Anonymous asked: You were in my dreams and we became great friends. I've met you maybe once before.
1 tag
January 2012
9 posts
Whitney
So sometimes when I drive home from the bar I feel completely awesome.)* slightly drunk I am able to understand the pure diva-awesomeness that is the Whitney Houston song, “I wanna dance with somebody” The thing is, this song is dated, and wonderful and the only way to experience it totally is to listen to it drunk. In my very modern car i can hear all the parts. The emptiness of 80s...
Together. Alone.
Reflecting on things that inspire me, I think I have found I am inspired most by other people. I like brainstorming in groups and listening to peoples ideas. I like watching their minds work out loud. I have always been around lots of people- my brothers, cousins, public school. I find surrounding myself with people unconsciously, all the time. I start groups and clubs, i take classes and throw...
thank you
love. love. love. so subtle no one realizes they are or are in it. every touch, breath, smell, look, twitch, thought is massive. measured with a ruler made for universes, we will never know the true magnitude of how we are loved or who loves us. like energy, never destroyed, but recycled love is around/with in us. expanding and enveloping, evolving. trapped in a cloak of invisibility. everything...
1 tag
Up, Up and Away
With every heartbeat my world shakes. My insides, impatiently waiting to burst out. I want to tear and scratch and gouge and slice. I want to let them free, but instead I consume. Liquids, solids, breath and emotion. I am full of them all, and they are unsettling. In dreams I am missing pieces of myself. If only, to be in waking life, removed of that heaviness-or at least to not be full of...
December 2011
4 posts
2012
My grown up legs failed me once. Maybe it was because they weren’t quite grown yet. Laying on the ground was boring, but crawling, that was easy. Fun even. There was no stress in it. I was traumatized, I didn’t need to walk again. Anyway, walking is for people who what to go somewhere.
I’ve grown a bit tired of crawling, and walking is terrifying. When there is no one to hold...
Van Gogh Was Right
my teardrops crash onto the floor as i come home drunk. pondering the fear of the future and love lost. how disappointing this all as been. if i were my mother i would be crying for me. save your tears mom, i have enough for the both of us. the failure. the tears that i have always cried are recycled yet again, only more meaningful. the idealistic dreams i dreamed, were they just that? do things...
November 2011
9 posts
1 tag
new ring
inanimate objects, i feel sometimes, are these tools for transmitting the emotions we cannot relate by ourselves.
Stuck
How do we go about aligning our visions of what we desire with what we want? The subtle discomfort discord brings is unsettling at first, but then, it lingers it starts to gnaw -like a dull headache that won’t go away. What do you do? What happens when the things you want/ need change? Can you rearrange your whole world? Can you coerce others to change with you? What if they refuse to...
October 2011
2 posts
September 2011
3 posts
1 tag
How to Be Sad: Pro Tip #1
When you wake up and feel so terrible that you want to kill yourself with a dagger, but need to go to work try this:
1. Go in the bathroom and cry! scream a little bit, just until you feel like you have to throw up, but don’t you don’t want to go to work with broken capillaries.
2. Clean that snot off your fucking face and splash yourself with cold water.
3. Go to your stereo and...
August 2011
7 posts
they are hippocrates so fuck them too.
Sometimes the emptiness is unbearable. You can have these things, feelings, and things, and whatever, but still you are this vessel that needs to be filled. that cannot be filled. no matter what happens things don’t equal to what they need. you are alone. you will never know why the red planet is red; you will never know why the sky is blue. you just know how you feel and that is terrible....
this about sums up this friday night →
drunk at art shows= stealing their well designed e*mail sign up sheets and using them for my own personal e*mail list.
It's My Half Birthday Soon..(buy me this) →
July 2011
16 posts
1 tag
2 tags
